Ever been stuck in a tricky situation, where your gut, your heart and your mind tell you that the only response you need to have, is the word no, but for some reason you find yourself succumbing to the other little voice that convinces you otherwise.
That has happened to majority of us. It isn’t anything to feel especially bad about, because well, we are human beings driven by emotion, we are allowed to feel. The problem comes in when you do it to the extent that you disadvantage and are detrimental to yourself.
We live in a society where we are expected to fulfill many roles; the kind-understanding being, the tough-no nonsense being, the playful-fun being, the hardworking-focused being, the humble-generous being, the rich-balling being to name a few controversies. With so many ways to be, we are bound to lose a sense of what and who we want to be. “When you stand for nothing, you fall for everything” goes the infamous saying. Always being on the ready to please people will get you to a point where you value their pleasurable opinion of yourself more than the real personal pleasure that you experience as yourself. This generally gets to a stage where you fail to put yourself first and you end up agreeing, however it is always to the benefit of another and at the detriment to yourself.
This is dangerous because you end up measuring your necessities of your life on the wants and necessities of other people, who quite often, don’t even care about you, but rather just what they can get from you.
The problem worsens when you eventually come to this realisation and you start to understand that people you sincerely cared for or loved, actually did not reciprocate the same feelings. How do we solve these negative feelings and moments of self-doubt?
- Understand that you are the most important person in your life first. Without a whole you, you cannot give to other people. You need to be complete, content and capable first.
- Be honest with yourself and the people requesting things from you. If you do not want to do something, you do not have to do it. You do not need to put yourself through torturous tasks or situations unless you are genuinely okay with the compromise. You need to be able to confidently distinguish between healthy and unhealthy compromises.
- Be cognisant of who and what you prioritise in your life. Don’t allow things or people to influence drastic decisions or movements in your life if they are not even on your priority list. Your compromises need to be worth it.
- Know that your health is crucial to you being successful. An over-worked, exhausted body is an unhealthy weak one. Learn to say no to situations, tasks or people that start affecting your mental, physical and emotional well-being. Your health and sanity counts the most.
Sometimes it seems impossible to say no because of the fear of disappointment, failure and letting people down. It takes a lot of practice coupled with a lot of self – confidence. It is definitely not an easy task but definitely a task worth pursuing as it can take you much further than simply having a “yes ma’am” attitude.